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Jan. 11th, 2026 09:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missizzyCurrently waiting for the groceries to be delivered. Last weekend we heard Giant might start outsourcing the deliver, which would've been bad enough. But no, it seems they're merely firing their drivers and forcing their store employees to deliver the groceries instead. Which means we can only order what's available at the local store. And the number of things that were listed as out of stock yesterday when we tried to order them was kind of ridiculous.
At least I finished this:
Title: Heart's Blood
Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3
Characters: Astarion/Halsin
Disclaimer: They both belong to Larian
Warning: Vampirism
Note: Me turning vampire feeding into nonsexual intimacy, because Astarion deserves that much.
For two hundred years, consuming what he needed to consume to survive has been, to Astarion, a humiliating business. Certainly it was whenever a pleased Cazador watched him scarf himself, as much as was possible, on scant, disgusting rat's blood, so starved he didn't even care. He hated it almost as much when his siblings were seeing him do it. On those occasion he caught a stray animal, out on the streets of Baldur's Gate, and he was lucky enough to be alone, it was a little better. But even then it felt painful, embarrassing, as well as leaving him terrified the entire time someone would see. Sometimes he even wondered if it would be worse if they promptly staked him, or better.
He still remembers the humiliation he also felt, much as he'd tried to hide it, when he first begged their dear leader to let him have just a little blood. The subsequent times after that had been less painful. And now, of course, he has a similar arrangement with Jaheira, where doing hard enough tasks for her means blood included in his payment. Although recently Minsc has managed to always be present when he is, and of course he always insists Astarion feed on him instead. Honestly, it's rather sweet of him. He finds he's even a little more comfortable with him, since Minsc is hardier than Jaheira. Oh, he'd like to tell himself it's the same to him either way, which of them he feeds from, but the truth is these people are his friends, and he doesn't want to do any damage that can't quickly be fixed with a restoration spell.
Shadowheart also lets him feed on her, whenever they see each other. That isn't too often, but they both try to make it happen when they can. They even teamed up to deal with some local monsters once.
It was with her that Astarion first learned he actually greatly preferred it when it wasn't transactional. That was a very great surprise. After all, transactional still makes him feel safer. It means he knows exactly what's going on, and exactly what will result, and once it has, he'll owe noone any further favors. But even if uncertainty is dangerous, he's grown less afraid of it. And he can trust Shadowheart not to use her gifting this against him. Feeding on her is an act of mutual trust, which it certainly hasn't been in the past.
Trusting people again is the scariest thing Astarion has ever done. Maybe he did it out of the necessity, when he was thrown in with the people who are now his friends, but even the minimal trust they started with was terrifying. But even then, it also felt kind of nice. And now? He'll never admit it to anyone, but it's positively exhilarating.
Well, he might admit it, someday, to Halsin.
He still remembers meeting the druid's eyes, in the moments after he repaid Cazador for all he had done to him, when he first turned to look at his companions. Everyone else looked mostly relieved, but maybe also a little disturbed. It was only in Halsin's face that he saw complete understanding. That was where it began, perhaps.
"It was only for a handful of years," Halsin said to him, much later. "And it was nothing compared to what you went through. But I, too, know what it is to have my body used for pleasure by those I would have rather never touched me." He was right, about it being less horrific. Not too long before, had he heard the story Halsin told him then, Astarion would not have been so moved. But now, well, now he wishes very much that Halsin never had to go through that. And it even disturbs him how the druid downplays it, acts as if it was never important. Even when he'd been at his worst, Astarion would have at least acknowledged it should be important to Halsin himself.
He even said so to him, not long after that. To which Halsin smiled, and said, "I've had more time to you to live with it. There is much joy in my life now, as well as a lot of other things to think about." Which there certainly had been for him by then, since that had been when he'd been gathering up his initial group of orphans to take back with him to Reithwin.
That was when Astarion started to realize that Halsin really did neglect himself. He's actually tried to get the druid to be selfish on occasion, since then. Not the easiest of tasks. He's had to recruit allies. Yenna's been a good one.
Though he probably shouldn't think of too much as an ongoing mission, since that would mean he's once again using sex towards a purpose. Not that it ever feels anything like that when he's in his arms. The first time they even got hot and heavy together, Halsin actually called a stop to things, then sat Astarion down and explained to him how things were going to be. "I can guess at how this is going to go for you," he told him. "The first time I had sex after escaping Menzoberranzan, I struggled to stay engaged with it; I'd gotten so used to detaching from myself. Don't think I'll fail to notice when you do that, or that I won't stop when you do."
And he made good on those words, and multiple times. He even insisted, their first few times together, that he always be able to see Astarion's face. Even now, he still prefers to. He likes to hold it in at least one hand, or both if the other isn't needed elsewhere, stroke it so tenderly it sometimes feels like a little much for Astarion to take in itself. Though that's something that's certainly not just true during sex. Halsin is an affectionate creature, and is also determined to make Astarion feel as loved as possible, even if that sometimes feels downright painful for him.
It hasn't been unknown for Astarion to feed on Halsin during sex. It's certainly an exciting act for both of them, especially for the level of trust it requires of Halsin. And the physical high he gets from it is yet to be matched by anything else he's ever had. As is the feeling of being utterly sated when they're done. Though even then, he might have to admit to himself Halsin's tendency to cuddle him afterwards plays a significant part in that feeling of satiation.
And lately, they've typically gone about it a different way. The way Astarion knows immediately is going to happen when he is awoken in the early afternoon by the sound of the cellar door closing and Halsin calling out his name. He reached Reithwin shortly before dawn the previous night, having exhausted himself by the fast pace of travel required to do so. He probably should've burrowed down in the woods, gotten some animal blood in himself at least, and waited another night, but, well, he'd wanted to get to Halsin.
"Good afternoon, my heart," he calls out to him. It still mystifies Astarion that he called him that, especially when he's had other lovers during their relationship, including one who’s living with him right now. But it doesn’t actually irk him, not anymore. He might even admit it made him feel a little warmer, even before Halsin touches him. He seems to take a moment to study him in the dim light, then sighs, “There’s no way you’re not too hungry right now. Come here.”
Astarion’s not going to argue with that. He takes just long enough to cross the room to give Halsin time to find the loveseat and settle himself down into it, and then he’s sinking himself down into him, and his fangs down into his neck.
Halsin’s blood is thick for an elf’s, hot and frothing on Astarion’s tongue. He’s taught himself now, to drink a little more slowly. It’s to give whomever he’s feeding off a chance to react, to push him off if they need to. But with Halsin, it gives him a chance to savor the richest, most filling thing he’s ever drunk.
It also gives Halsin time to reach up and stroke his hair, then his shoulders. Astarion knows that’s something it makes him feel good to do, and officially, that’s why he allows it. But he’s long admitted to himself that he likes it when he does it as well. He’ll probably end up telling him that, sooner or later. He could then tell him he especially likes it when Halsin lays a palm on his shoulder blade while wrapping an arm around him to hold him there.
Although given how much Halsin does that, maybe he’s figured that all out on his own.
By the time Halsin gently nudges him off, Astarion is feeling warm, and safe, and full in more than just one way. Also like he doesn’t want to leave Halsin’s lap, at least not for a long while. He instead curls himself into his chest and burrows in as Halsin quickly heals and restores himself; Astarion thinks he can feel his body heat increase as he does so.
“Comfy, my heart?” Halsin asks him, with clearly amused affection. Astarion made a happy noise of affirmation. “Not up to talking?” Astarion chuckles. He could make the effort, he supposes, give Halsin all the news about their friends. But surely it can wait just a little bit.
And meanwhile, Halsin sighed, “Very well,” and he does the talking instead. He’s always been able to talk for hours about all the children in his charge, even more so as the oldest of them are now coming of age. His pride when he talks of Yenna now taking full charge of his kitchen, of young Mirkon’s progress since he first stumbled into Reithwin a year ago, the two young casters that hope to be accepted into Blackstaff, it’s honestly nice to hear. As he talks about the younger children, the ones Astarion doesn’t really know, at least not yet, he tunes out a little. He can feel Halsin’s chest moved below him as he rambles. If he presses in close enough, the soothing sound of his voice can mix with the easy beat of his big heart. A heart that pumps so much hot, abundant blood through his generous body, enough of it to share.
“I probably should get up,” Halsin finally says, but makes no effort to actually do so. He won’t dislodge Astarion from his lap like that. At least not until such time as Yenna comes downstairs and demand he come eat dinner, but that’s hours away. Astarion supposes he might get bored by then anyway. But he might not. He’s found himself content to linger on Halsin’s lap even on those occasions the latter’s been so tired from all he does he’s actually fallen into full sleep. Though thankfully he’s gotten just a little better about that lately.
At least I finished this:
Title: Heart's Blood
Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3
Characters: Astarion/Halsin
Disclaimer: They both belong to Larian
Warning: Vampirism
Note: Me turning vampire feeding into nonsexual intimacy, because Astarion deserves that much.
For two hundred years, consuming what he needed to consume to survive has been, to Astarion, a humiliating business. Certainly it was whenever a pleased Cazador watched him scarf himself, as much as was possible, on scant, disgusting rat's blood, so starved he didn't even care. He hated it almost as much when his siblings were seeing him do it. On those occasion he caught a stray animal, out on the streets of Baldur's Gate, and he was lucky enough to be alone, it was a little better. But even then it felt painful, embarrassing, as well as leaving him terrified the entire time someone would see. Sometimes he even wondered if it would be worse if they promptly staked him, or better.
He still remembers the humiliation he also felt, much as he'd tried to hide it, when he first begged their dear leader to let him have just a little blood. The subsequent times after that had been less painful. And now, of course, he has a similar arrangement with Jaheira, where doing hard enough tasks for her means blood included in his payment. Although recently Minsc has managed to always be present when he is, and of course he always insists Astarion feed on him instead. Honestly, it's rather sweet of him. He finds he's even a little more comfortable with him, since Minsc is hardier than Jaheira. Oh, he'd like to tell himself it's the same to him either way, which of them he feeds from, but the truth is these people are his friends, and he doesn't want to do any damage that can't quickly be fixed with a restoration spell.
Shadowheart also lets him feed on her, whenever they see each other. That isn't too often, but they both try to make it happen when they can. They even teamed up to deal with some local monsters once.
It was with her that Astarion first learned he actually greatly preferred it when it wasn't transactional. That was a very great surprise. After all, transactional still makes him feel safer. It means he knows exactly what's going on, and exactly what will result, and once it has, he'll owe noone any further favors. But even if uncertainty is dangerous, he's grown less afraid of it. And he can trust Shadowheart not to use her gifting this against him. Feeding on her is an act of mutual trust, which it certainly hasn't been in the past.
Trusting people again is the scariest thing Astarion has ever done. Maybe he did it out of the necessity, when he was thrown in with the people who are now his friends, but even the minimal trust they started with was terrifying. But even then, it also felt kind of nice. And now? He'll never admit it to anyone, but it's positively exhilarating.
Well, he might admit it, someday, to Halsin.
He still remembers meeting the druid's eyes, in the moments after he repaid Cazador for all he had done to him, when he first turned to look at his companions. Everyone else looked mostly relieved, but maybe also a little disturbed. It was only in Halsin's face that he saw complete understanding. That was where it began, perhaps.
"It was only for a handful of years," Halsin said to him, much later. "And it was nothing compared to what you went through. But I, too, know what it is to have my body used for pleasure by those I would have rather never touched me." He was right, about it being less horrific. Not too long before, had he heard the story Halsin told him then, Astarion would not have been so moved. But now, well, now he wishes very much that Halsin never had to go through that. And it even disturbs him how the druid downplays it, acts as if it was never important. Even when he'd been at his worst, Astarion would have at least acknowledged it should be important to Halsin himself.
He even said so to him, not long after that. To which Halsin smiled, and said, "I've had more time to you to live with it. There is much joy in my life now, as well as a lot of other things to think about." Which there certainly had been for him by then, since that had been when he'd been gathering up his initial group of orphans to take back with him to Reithwin.
That was when Astarion started to realize that Halsin really did neglect himself. He's actually tried to get the druid to be selfish on occasion, since then. Not the easiest of tasks. He's had to recruit allies. Yenna's been a good one.
Though he probably shouldn't think of too much as an ongoing mission, since that would mean he's once again using sex towards a purpose. Not that it ever feels anything like that when he's in his arms. The first time they even got hot and heavy together, Halsin actually called a stop to things, then sat Astarion down and explained to him how things were going to be. "I can guess at how this is going to go for you," he told him. "The first time I had sex after escaping Menzoberranzan, I struggled to stay engaged with it; I'd gotten so used to detaching from myself. Don't think I'll fail to notice when you do that, or that I won't stop when you do."
And he made good on those words, and multiple times. He even insisted, their first few times together, that he always be able to see Astarion's face. Even now, he still prefers to. He likes to hold it in at least one hand, or both if the other isn't needed elsewhere, stroke it so tenderly it sometimes feels like a little much for Astarion to take in itself. Though that's something that's certainly not just true during sex. Halsin is an affectionate creature, and is also determined to make Astarion feel as loved as possible, even if that sometimes feels downright painful for him.
It hasn't been unknown for Astarion to feed on Halsin during sex. It's certainly an exciting act for both of them, especially for the level of trust it requires of Halsin. And the physical high he gets from it is yet to be matched by anything else he's ever had. As is the feeling of being utterly sated when they're done. Though even then, he might have to admit to himself Halsin's tendency to cuddle him afterwards plays a significant part in that feeling of satiation.
And lately, they've typically gone about it a different way. The way Astarion knows immediately is going to happen when he is awoken in the early afternoon by the sound of the cellar door closing and Halsin calling out his name. He reached Reithwin shortly before dawn the previous night, having exhausted himself by the fast pace of travel required to do so. He probably should've burrowed down in the woods, gotten some animal blood in himself at least, and waited another night, but, well, he'd wanted to get to Halsin.
"Good afternoon, my heart," he calls out to him. It still mystifies Astarion that he called him that, especially when he's had other lovers during their relationship, including one who’s living with him right now. But it doesn’t actually irk him, not anymore. He might even admit it made him feel a little warmer, even before Halsin touches him. He seems to take a moment to study him in the dim light, then sighs, “There’s no way you’re not too hungry right now. Come here.”
Astarion’s not going to argue with that. He takes just long enough to cross the room to give Halsin time to find the loveseat and settle himself down into it, and then he’s sinking himself down into him, and his fangs down into his neck.
Halsin’s blood is thick for an elf’s, hot and frothing on Astarion’s tongue. He’s taught himself now, to drink a little more slowly. It’s to give whomever he’s feeding off a chance to react, to push him off if they need to. But with Halsin, it gives him a chance to savor the richest, most filling thing he’s ever drunk.
It also gives Halsin time to reach up and stroke his hair, then his shoulders. Astarion knows that’s something it makes him feel good to do, and officially, that’s why he allows it. But he’s long admitted to himself that he likes it when he does it as well. He’ll probably end up telling him that, sooner or later. He could then tell him he especially likes it when Halsin lays a palm on his shoulder blade while wrapping an arm around him to hold him there.
Although given how much Halsin does that, maybe he’s figured that all out on his own.
By the time Halsin gently nudges him off, Astarion is feeling warm, and safe, and full in more than just one way. Also like he doesn’t want to leave Halsin’s lap, at least not for a long while. He instead curls himself into his chest and burrows in as Halsin quickly heals and restores himself; Astarion thinks he can feel his body heat increase as he does so.
“Comfy, my heart?” Halsin asks him, with clearly amused affection. Astarion made a happy noise of affirmation. “Not up to talking?” Astarion chuckles. He could make the effort, he supposes, give Halsin all the news about their friends. But surely it can wait just a little bit.
And meanwhile, Halsin sighed, “Very well,” and he does the talking instead. He’s always been able to talk for hours about all the children in his charge, even more so as the oldest of them are now coming of age. His pride when he talks of Yenna now taking full charge of his kitchen, of young Mirkon’s progress since he first stumbled into Reithwin a year ago, the two young casters that hope to be accepted into Blackstaff, it’s honestly nice to hear. As he talks about the younger children, the ones Astarion doesn’t really know, at least not yet, he tunes out a little. He can feel Halsin’s chest moved below him as he rambles. If he presses in close enough, the soothing sound of his voice can mix with the easy beat of his big heart. A heart that pumps so much hot, abundant blood through his generous body, enough of it to share.
“I probably should get up,” Halsin finally says, but makes no effort to actually do so. He won’t dislodge Astarion from his lap like that. At least not until such time as Yenna comes downstairs and demand he come eat dinner, but that’s hours away. Astarion supposes he might get bored by then anyway. But he might not. He’s found himself content to linger on Halsin’s lap even on those occasions the latter’s been so tired from all he does he’s actually fallen into full sleep. Though thankfully he’s gotten just a little better about that lately.
